Today, we had a party for my girl’s fourth birthday. Her actual birthday is in a couple of days, but at this age, she really doesn’t know the difference, so she pretty much figured that today was “the day.” I haven’t uploaded any of the pictures from the event yet, so instead, I thought I’d share a blog post I wrote last year (under a different name and blog address.) I didn’t include the creepy video I made because I can’t change my username on YouTube (and that old persona is not who I want to be anymore), so consider this the “almost there” version. I’ll be back later with this year’s update (minus the creepy, murdering doll).

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This weekend was the wacky weekend of switcheroo birthdays. The Girl’s birthday is technically today (I’d talk about how I can’t believe she’s three already and where did the time go, really? but that’s nothing new. I think about it constantly.), but we had the party yesterday. My mom’s birthday is technically tomorrow, but we did a brunch for her today. The poor kiddos had no idea whose birthday was when, but they knew that, regardless, this weekend meant exciting things like cake and balloons. Really, that’s the most important thing when you’re 3 and 5 anyway…

The Girl is all about princesses. I’m not sure when it first started and I’m pretty sure I didn’t introduce her to the concept, but over the course of her three years on this earth, she has developed a hardcore obsession with them. And so, when I asked her what kind of birthday cake she’d like this year, she answered “Cinderella.” Having decorated many a cake for birthdays passed, I foolishly thought, “How hard can it be?” And so, I rented this pan from the local party store:

On some level, I knew that decorating a cake with a relatively realistic face on it would be a challenge, but I didn’t think it would be such a massive pain in the caboose. I started mixing colored icing at shortly after 8pm and finally put the damn cake, covered in plastic wrap, to bed in the fridge nearly 4 hours later. Cinderella sported a toothpick in the eye and another in the heart, put there as my own silent form of revenge for putting me through such hell all evening. Believe you me, I had some choice words for the good people at Wilton as I laboured over that princess. The kicker is that even though I tried as hard as I could, my Cinderella just didn’t have the same pizzazz as the Cinderella on the instruction sheet. My Cinderella would more easily pass for one of the ugly stepsisters. That cake is lucky I didn’t throw it against the wall. I considered it, but figured the blue icing would stain my lovely beige paint job.

Thankfully, The Girl loved her cake and gleefully applauded all the way through the birthday song as it was brought out to her. That girl loves her princesses, even horribly misshapen pig-faced ones…

Once we had played some (ok, one) party games, eaten lunch and had cake, it was time for The Girl to open her presents. As always, the kid cleaned house and I am still trying to figure out where to put all the clothes, toys, puzzles and colouring books she received. Most of her gifts were typical little girl fare: Princess books and puzzles, Ponyville ponies (this is her secondary obsession) and cute little outfits from Old Navy. And then she opened Chucky:

My mother-in-law purchased a doll called Amazing Amanda to give to The Girl for her birthday and was so excited about giving it to her that I’m amazed she didn’t cry when everyone else at the party began joking about how creepy the doll was. To tell the truth, good old Amanda provided some pretty quality entertainment for the adults at the party. She can have two-way conversations, “eat” and recognize different plastic foods, sing songs, and – this is the worst part – goes to the potty. She actually grunts and grimaces. Ew!! Despite the ick-factor, I do have to admit that it really is amazing what the doll can do, and I love that my mother-in-law put so much thought into it (she even programmed the doll the night before) but it still gives me the heebie jeebies.

If you don’t see an update on this blog for more than a couple of days, please send help. It’s likely that Amazing Amanda came after the family…

Filed under: Offspring, Phoning it in |