The one where I don’t post a picture of my butt on the internet.
I made the mistake of looking at my butt in the mirror before taking a shower tonight. Aside from the general size, I also noticed several thumb-shaped bruises – souvenirs of my recent massage. Most people would be all, “Oh! No wonder my butt hurts so much. This deep-tissue massage thing is no joke!”
Being that I am not most people, my first reaction was to run to my husband.
“Look at my butt!”
“Well, heyy….”
“Stop that. I meant look at the bruises on my butt!”
“Oh. Okay. Yeah, wow.”
“I know, right? I told you it was an intense massage! Just look at those purple bruises. Ow!”
“Well, you do bruise pretty easily.”
“Really? That’s all you’ve got? I’m showing you the injuries I’ve sustained on my way to a back-pain-free existance and you’re blowing me off?”
“What? It’s true. You bruise easily.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
…………………..
“So, will you take a picture of my butt?”
“What?”
“Will. You. Take. A. Picture. Of. My. Butt?”
“I heard you the first time. And, no.”
“Why not?”
“I am not taking a picture of your butt! I don’t want pictures of your butt on the internet!”
“It’s not like I’d post pictures of my entire butt. I’d edit most of it out and just show the bruises.”
“I’m not taking a picture of your butt.”
“Oh, come on. The bruises totally validate my pain!”
“You have to try and keep your blog somewhat classy, you know.”
“Classy? Hmm. Novel idea. I hadn’t thought of that before.”
“Alrighty, then. I’m off to bed.”
“Are you sure you won’t take a picture of my butt?”
“Good-night, Lynn. And try to come to bed early tonight. Clearly, you need more sleep.”
Hee! Ask someone else to wield the camera – personally, I think bruised butt photos on your blog would be hilarious.
WarsawMommy´s last blog ..Musical Interlude
Well at least he’s thinking of your modesty and your dignity, but I want to see your butt bruises ha
Farmers Wife´s last blog ..Politicians are funny
[...] The one where I don’t post a picture of my butt on the internet … [...]
@WarsawMommy @Farmers Wife: I would, but then I’d feel responsible for your subsequent therapy bills.
Oh, and the bot responsible for the “weight issues” pingback will be getting MY therapy bill in the mail. grr.
Oh, honey.
These eyes have seen green poo and green puke, bloody noses and eyes with pus. I can for sure handle your bruised butt….
Motherhood is like boot camp to eliminate any and all aversions to anything GROSS.
WarsawMommy´s last blog ..Musical Interlude
You are not a real blogger until you post a picture of your butt! Everybody knows that.
mrs.notouching´s last blog ..The Gift of Selective Hearing