It seems as though lately, a lot of websites are stepping away from quality writing in favour of posting the “quick fix” of a joke, a picture or a tweet. I know I’m guilty of clicking through to the joke sites when I only have a few minutes to read and end up missing out on a lot of quality writing. Mrs Flinger has come up with a challenge for those of us who want to get back into the basics of writing just for the love of it. She has challenged us to ignore our stats, put aside thoughts of writing for other people and just write, not worrying about whether or not our initial draft is perfect. This is something I can really sink my teeth into.

Believe it or not, this one really was a challenge for me. I spend a lot of my time focusing on how not to embarrass myself, so while I can find lots of little things to fixate on, nothing really huge comes to mind. And so, I have plagiarized myself and re-posted a story I wrote about an embarrassing incident in a bar a few years ago:

Dear Run-Down, Piece of Crap Sports Bar:

Hi. Remember me? The chick who fell down on your run-down, piece of crap mini-golf course? Yeah. I’m pissed. And horribly embarassed. And a little bit injured, as a matter of fact. Do yourselves a favour and renovate before someone less nice than me gets hurt. I’ll say it slowly, just in case you didn’t get it the first time. Ren-0-vate. That means fix your damn carpet. Oh, and you guys can all suck it.

Sincerely,

Stone cold sober and still unable to stay on her feet.

That’s right, everyone. I fell down in a public place. Don’t everyone point and laugh at once. I’ll have to lay the smack down on each and every one of you. Here’s the story:

Last weekend, we got a sitter for the kids and headed off to a sports bar for my brother-in-law’s birthday. Said sports bar has a mini-golf course running through it for the drunken sports idiots to play in between periods (rounds, whatever!). This golf course looks to have been there since the dawn of time. The felt is wrinkled and ripped. A few of us decided to play anyway, for something to do. Well, on about the fifth or sixth hole, I tripped over a rip in the felt and began falling forward. I tried to step forward with the other foot to stop my fall but was rudely stopped by one of those obnoxious little mini-golf course speed bumps. I fell down like somebody had just cut me off at the ankles. Question: if a woman falls in the middle of a bar, does she get embarrassed?

I fell. On my face. Right in the middle of a sports bar on a Saturday night. Honestly, if something like that were to have to happen to anyone, of course it would be me. And I will maintain until my dying breath that I was not hammered. I blame the management for not maintaining their stupid little golf course. Because it feels better that way. I’d rather not take any responsibility for falling down in a public place, thank you.

I don’t think that a lot of people I know saw it. I do know that my brother-in-law did because his laughter echoed throughout the bar. Boys are mean like that. At least most girls will ask if you’re ok, help you up, etc.

I jumped back up as quickly as I could and awkwardly pretended like nothing had happened, ignoring everyone around me. It must have looked like a Saturday Night Live pratfall. I should have told everyone that I was rehearsing for a play. Or, worse yet, “I meant to do that.” I’m sure everyone in the place forgot about the whole thing within minutes, but I am the type of person who internalizes everything and I will most certainly play this over in my mind a million times between now and then time when I am eventually struck with some sort of old-age dementia. Can a person sue for emotional distress a week after the event?

Here is how I felt immediately following what will now be referred to as “the incident.”

And here is how I currently feel toward the run-down piece of crap bar and all patrons within who find humour in other people’s pain:

The by-product of “the incident” (aside from profound mental anguish) is this (among other bruises):

Who but me could fall down and end up with a wicked wrist burn? Loser.

____________

Want to read about more embarrassing moments? Check out the links below! And, if you’ve got an embarrassing moment of your own to share, go ahead and link to your specific post below. I’d love to read it and laugh at with you. (Misery loves company).

Filed under: Confessions, Just My Luck, Keepin' it Real, Me |