I am blowing this joint for the weekend in order to do some quality drinking scrapbooking and I couldn’t think of a better way to say, “see you in three days, sucker!” than posting a little something-something about my your favourite book and movie franchise, The Twilight Saga, and the bloodsuckers chronicled within it.

(See what I just did there? See you later suckers? And a movie about bloodsuckers? That’s called segueing.)

So, New Moon is coming out on video on March 20th. (Yes, I just said video. I’m old skool like that, yo.) It’s chock-full of angst, mythical creatures and more angst. What it’s not chock-full of is a plot. Yeah, I said it.

The movie poster. Ooh. Angsty.

What the movie poster looked like before the art department got to it. Bahaha.

Overall, I think that Stephenie Meyer did a good job of explaining how vampires are able to live in and amongst humans but she missed one very important point. Approximately half the population is female. With female issues. If the blood from a paper cut is enough to drive a vampire insane with bloodlust, how on earth would he make it through a day out in a world filled with chicks? Well, I think my boyfriend Brandon Routh has figured out how they’re able to do it:

Oh, Brandon. You’re so funny. Can I have your babies?

*cough*

Did I say that out loud?

Speaking of my boyfriend Brandon Routh and his hotness, I ask you this: Why was he not cast as Edward in the real Twilight movies?

Hot…

Hot…

Hey, baby. How YOU doin’?

Instead, they cast this guy:

O-kay.

*crickets*

I think about how Twilight would have gone with my boyfriend Brandon Routh in it and all I can say is, “Bite me, Edward! I’ll have your creepy vampire spawn any day!”

For all you RPattz lovers out there, I’ll go ahead and throw you a bone. I admit that the guy can clean up when he wants to:

Yum.

Too bad you probably smell like moldy cheese.

You’re welcome.

Just don’t expect me to get to the point where I’d buy a pair of these:

Um, ew?

Filed under: Random |